Memos from the Middle

Smack-Dab in the Middle of Motherhood

10 Reasons Why I Refuse to Join Facebook

I kinda feel like those people back in the late ’90s who refused to learn how to use a computer. “What’s wrong with the card catalog?” they’d squeal into their rotary phones behind bifocals and a steaming hot cup of unsweetened tea. Their grandchildren foolishly purchased desktops for them, hoping that they’d share an email or instant message every once in a while, but after the obligatory unpacking and strategic display, the computer served no purpose other than a glorified plant stand.

Yep, that old hag is me. I sit in my rocking chair, covered in a quilt (even though the heat is on 78 degrees), and work crossword puzzles intently, humming little ditties to myself. Well, not really, but I do have an old lady-like obsession, for what type of obsession is any more intense, with avoiding Facebook. And here’s why:

10)  I hate crowds. Over 1 billion people on anything seems like way too many to me.

9) I avoid certain people more expertly without Facebook in my life.

8) I need a dictionary of abbreviations to figure out what the hell people are saying.

7) Every minute of my day need not be chronicled for the world. There is a very real thing called “too much information.”

6) I don’t really care what you like, nor do I feel compelled to tell you what I like.

5) I got enough of fake friends in high school.

4) Facebook gangsters cause real-life fights. Just ask any teenager.

3) I know damn well you don’t look like your profile picture…anymore.

2) Poking me or posting something on my wall just sounds painful.

1) I’m happy in my marriage.

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8 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why I Refuse to Join Facebook

  1. LOVE IT! I’m a “Facebook Holdout” as well–nothing about it appeals to me in any way. Glad to hear I’m not the only one out there . . . 🙂

  2. Mary Funnye on said:

    Hey Marilyn,
    I agree with all 10 reasons, and another is who has the time?

  3. i’m 21 and i don’t use it and people think i’m very weird for not joining facebook but i just don’t see the appeal. someone even said i must be big headed but i told them how does not taking endless pictures of myself in the mirror and writing updates about myself mean i’m big headed?

  4. OMG…If this is Mrs. McCottrell from Morgan Park PLEASE let me know. It’s Sam from AA Lit. I miss you dearly; your class was one of the few that prepared me for college. I would love to catch up with you. Hope all is well.

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