Memos from the Middle

Smack-Dab in the Middle of Motherhood

The Rules According to the Pirate

In the hallway at school:

Mommy: Who is the boss?
You are?
Mommy: But who’s the boss at school?
Pirate: I am!

At breakfast this morning:

Princess: Mommy, we’re forgetting something.
Mommy: Yes, Daddy’s on his way to the table now.
Princess: Yes, but we’re forgetting something else.
Princess: To say our prayers!
Mommy: Oh, you’re right! How did I forget that?
Pirate: I don’t have to say any prayers. I ate already!

In the kids’ room:

Princess: Mommy, D. just said that she is going to whip my butt?
Mommy: D., get in here right now!
Pirate: Yes, Mommy?
Mommy: Did you just tell M. that you were going to whip her butt?
Pirate: Yes.
Mommy: We don’t talk to each other like that! Do you hear me?
Pirate: Okay, okay. I’m going to whip your behind, Sister.

In the parking lot at Target:

Mommy: What are the rules for how we act in a store?
We have to listen and behave.
Pirate: And no punching strangers!

In the bathroom at home:

Mommy: Get back in there, Pirate, and wash those hands.
Pirate: But I didn’t pee on them!

In the kids’ room:

Mommy: What’s wrong?
D. spit on me!
Mommy: Are you kidding me, D.? We don’t spit on people! That’s nasty and mean!
Pirate: But what if she’s on fire?




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6 thoughts on “The Rules According to the Pirate

  1. I love these conversations we have with our kids. They are so much funnier and honest than us!

  2. Can’t help but love her! My niece is so smart and loving and mischievous lol!

  3. love their way of thinking

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